That’s A Wrap

Instructions for new employees of That’s A Wrap Video Rental:

1. If someone asks for the children’s section be sure to ask them if they want mind numbing or educational as these sections are on different sides of the store. Children’s movies with a liberal propaganda environmental message are in the back room and available only to customers who request them by name.
2. The box of screeners under the counter is for employees to take home and watch. Please take at least 2 movies after every shift and bring back after you’ve watched them. Please include notes designating if the movie contains nudity, foul language, drug use, violence, or satanism. If nudity please include timecode.
3. If a customer complains about a late fee check their account, if they have no previous late fees you can waive the fee for them. If they have previous late fees tell them there is nothing you can do.
4. If a customer asks for “Mike” give them one of the black VHS boxes with a blue sticker which can be found under the storage table in the break room in the cardboard box with the Ming’s Wokin’ Egg Roll logo on it. Charge their account $100. Do not ever let employees from Ming’s Wokin’ Egg Roll into the break room.
5. If a customer asks for “Sarah” give them one of the white VHS boxes with the red sticker from the same box. Charge their account $300.
6. If there is ever a phone call where the caller asks “Do you have The Little Rascals on Betamax?” say “no” and then immediately take the Ming’s Wokin’ Egg Roll box out back and put it next door by the dumpster in back of Ming’s.
7. The password for the account computer is taped on the monitor.