Follow up to this from the other day, I sat for the test the following day and failed again, miserably that time. I felt way jumpier and didn’t even come close. I decided then that I perhaps needed to take some more time before trying again and passed on the next opportunity despite several people encouraging me to keep trying. I didn’t want to “get lucky” and I felt that if I just kept trying I’d eventually get it but it wouldn’t feel like I’d actually done it and I didn’t want that. I left Tokyo for a few days, came back and had one more chance for a class with Soke before heading back to LA and I went. Upon arriving I realized that I brought the wrong bag and didn’t have my Gi top or my belt. I momentarily considered not even going to class so unprepared but talked myself out of it and went, no one cared of course. I kept telling myself I would take the test again but when asked I said “um.. maybe?” to which responded “no! You are taking it!” so I agreed and then simultaneously tried not to think about it and if there was a way to get out of it. I didn’t want to fail again, but I also didn’t want to not try again. Time came, I took it, and I passed it. I’m still a little in shock but I’m pretty excited at the same time. I started this training 16 years ago I back then I never would have believed that this was something that was even possible. Or maybe I would, who knows.